ok.it's new year

and since it's new year... i have nothing important to say.
i still feel taken for granted and all, of course by him...
hmm.. i'm waiting for my mother to destroy my day,haha! i hope not..
there are alot of wishes i have in mind.. and i know not all of those wishes will come true..
*sigh*
have i told you i'm tired of living a tired life?...

ok. i need to clean my room now.. goodbye to the dusts of 2005...

my late posts

well well well. christmas day came. adn nothing really special happened. well, my ex called and was hunting me down again. that's not special, it's scary.freaky. right. we went to gale for our annual movie watching chevers. some waatched enteng kabisote, legal wife, kutob, exodus and terrorist. hehe who cares? we're supporting the local movie industry!diba? hehehe what else. i'm currently broke and suicidal again. i feel so insecure nanaman. i'm 18, yes i am of legal age and all but they still treat me as if i was a gradeschooler who can't tie her shoelace. pathetic. last night nga pala kat, nikki, jheng and i went to metrowalk to have dinner. as usual dencio's..tapos after that we went sa gutson. and drinked. drank.drunk.. hahaha i had shots of tequilla and sex on the beach and a sip of blowjob. yeah. mga pahabol na naughtiness for the year 2005! hooray for me for being such a problem child! well that's what my mother thinks. kai the problem-irresponsible child. that's what they all think anyway.. here i go again, lost. this morning, i woke up pretty. washed my face, prepared myself a cup of coffee and mom ordered me to cook our breakfast. i cheerfully did this and that and what did my lovable mother said?

"PAGTRABAHO NA TALAGA NAPAKABIGAT NG KATAWAN MO! BAHALA KA BUHAY MO YAN!!PANO NA PAGNAG-ASAWA KA?ANO NAGDADABOG KA NANAMAN! MAPAGSABIHAN KA LANG NG KONTI!!"

ok.imagine.waking up beautifully.waking up on the right side of the bed. and then your mother shoots you with those words.know what i did?i criiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeddddddd!!! tae kasi.

so. i bet you all with a hundred thousand pesos and swearing on chito miranda's hot nape, my mom will surely dstroy my 2006...

whattalife.

ps.

my shoutouts:

BUDDY-wala lang.hehe

MINGU-bring me home something from Hongkong! :)

MY LRTmates-miss you guys!

PAS-nice blog,eh! teach me!!daya niyo umalis kayo ni minnie!! miss you!!!!

V.SIS MINNIE-daya niyo!hahaha bat di ka nagrereply sa kin ha??

TERD-tae ka! loveyou!!haha

i am now entitled for a normal life again..

i hope i'm not speaking too soon. god, i miss the good old days where i could just bum around and bitch life as i always do. and now the december prod is overrr!!

grarrr!!! hahaha goodbye aguinaldo! goodbye salimbal! goodbye christmas wish! woohoo!! goodbye set!!! my goodness, waws it hell down there at colayco! but thank you God for blessing us with a tolerable weather at least! thanks for the audiences, kahit na minsan may mga FGD kami. where they would yawn and all. haay. but i'm glad, tired and happy it was all over. thanks to ate anne roman for bearing with me and us survving our suicidal thoughts. haha thanks to ate andy, my alternate. to the 2 sundays of our production: kuya gret and kuya cyril..where lavinia had her shining moment. kahit flop. hahahaha and my GAB!! pootah! he was crying right before his gala, you know thinking stuff like he was such a fluking flop. pero GAHD!! kung nakitqa niyo siya! whoa!! ang galing galing galing! and speaking of galing, ang galing talaga ni buddy ko! wahahaha nanuod si nikki and jheng and they were telling na ang galing daw ni baltazar. wahaha buddy ko yun! hehehe yuck puro tawa na lang ako. well anyways, i love that prod. kahit pagod. kahit puyat. kahit gutom. kahit sobrang pulubi na kami. (nga pala, one time pumunta kami ni star sa divi and narealize namin na wala na pala kaming pamasahe pauwi, hehe know what we did? nangharang kami ng ab student sa morayta para humingi ng dos. P2.00, poorita noh?) di bale masaya naman. :) after the prod nga i was screaming! hugging! licking.. di joke lang! hehe i hugged buddy. tangina ang galing galing niya kasi! woohoo!! so..

as i was saying. pahinga muna anak ako. ganoon na lang. sana nga matupad, i have to catch up with my chever lessons. have to be a normal student muna. well.. i guess eto muna for now. ta ta.

by the way i still can't feel christmas. :(

sick updates

well.. hmm.. last friday we had an overnight. for bonding purposes only. nothing realy that important.--end of issue--

then we had our pictorials. saan? sa BICUTAN!! God! ang layo! anyways. had fun naman. they colored my face with crayons, i mean make up and all. stike a pose. and had an ugly pic. hehehe me and my big erin brokabitch mouth. eww. hehehe so..

tomorrow. i will regain myself sa mg a tth classes. haay.. God please. i don't wanna flunk again!!!!!!!! sob.sob.sob

buddy?

binabasa mo ba to?

umm..

GALIT AKO SAYO!!!

hehehehe

joke lang.

sus.

kaw pa.


hehe



tme to hit the horrid books.

ps:

ballerina ako for the next prod. kamusta naman. i know no ballet!!

my life ended when it begun

maybe i believed too much in superstitions..

i woke up today, fixed my bed because i have this belief that if i fic my bed right before i put my foot down my day will be fine and dandy. i religiously followed that everyday of my life and it screwed up today, the superstition didn't work this time.

i went to school with a pounding heart, my parents were going to quiapo and decided to take the lrt with me but some things happened that i have to leave them at the station, i felt guilty about it and assumed a bad karma on my way, and it did.

the thing was i failed economics today. today it was confirmed that i had no chance of getting a lowly grade of 3 from her, that professor. i know very well that i prepared for this day, that i will no longer cry when i see my grade, but i just couldn't take the environement i was in awhile ago. people were shouting, they were all rejoicing and what was i doing? i was crying.. i was crying so hard as if my tears can prick my stone hearted professor.. my perfect professor..

my grades were absolutely fine if she didn't flunk me. i have an uno in my major subject.. and the lowest grade i have was 2.5. i was proud and thanked God that i was able to pull my Philo grades up from a prelim grade of 69 i managed to have a 95 in my finals. it was just that this eco subject was an eyesore to my boastful grades...

but.. on second thought. though she was one of the people i abhorred in my life, because i know that i have given my very best, i was kissing her ass all the time, being active and all, but she didn't accounted anything for me to pass.. she was one of those people whom i have sacrificed things just to please, but i wasn't appreciated in any way.. but.. i'm teaching myself right now, that instead of hating her, them, instead of cussing their name, i'll be praying for her, for them.. and be taking all of these as a challange... i'll be strong... i will be...

"my life ended when it begun.."

i was happy for one moment and sad for another..
my buddy hugged and gave me a peck on the cheek today, and i found out that he was keeping all the text messages i sent him before.. all the things he did and said today was that big something that made me happy today... i felt loved.. i felt appreciated...

thank you buddy and loveyou po..

papa jheng.. what?

last night was a total pain for me. we went to the Marikina Riverbanks waited, walked as my bestfriends shouted directions over the phone. after so and so minutes we found out that we were in the wrong place! shit. my mom and yes my dad too was really really mad at me for wasting gas, it was sooo late already and they were hungry and it was official, we were lost. we actully should go to a place they call: Marikina RiverPARK P-A-R-K and not River B-A-N-K ok?

so there we finally saw what nikki was talking about the "River Booze" which mama kept on reading as "River Booosh" hehe and after 5 laps of driving in circles, asking tuod security guards and fat guys i finally heard my two friends! argh! i was so pissed but my annoyance was gone when i saw what landmark kat was telling me about, the girl with the perky boobs. hehe here's a pic.

my bestfriend kat jammed with the resident band at papa jhengs.. este.. papajeks.. she sang "i don't wanna wait" and yup nikki and i were the proudest bestfriends on earth. hehe

there was a dresscode:

mini skirts.

and by the way. if you guys will ever try papajeks, warning: guys think waiting for girls in the washroom is a hot idea. yun yung uso don. trust me, trust US!

the notebook

i found a reason to cry in public. i went to the video shop today and rented some cds. first i watched kutcher's a lot like love, it was funny and romantic and it was just funny that they end up seeing each other after they had their break-ups with their lovers. fubu?nah.. hehe next was the notebook. i was so great and figured out that that Noah was the young Hercules! the one from abs-cbn's tagalized episodes? yah. yummy! well.. here's the cheesy part..

watching the notebook brought me to rivers of tears! i was crying ugly! with loud sobs and all, my heart was so heavy after watching it and my eyes are really swollen. i was crying way too much that i found myself crying over trivial things, i was crying not because of the movie, i was crying because of my own pain in the ass life. that was really stupid. i know.

i was crying because nobody is inlove with me.... okay that was pathetic. delete.

i was crying because i feel so lost, so lost with everybody. hearing people talk about their love, their lost and regained love, thier forever love their heated passion. i hate seeing lovers so inlove because i always try to fit into their shoes and find that it was not really for me. i drown myself with saddistic music and movies, trying to help myself realize that i should get a damn life, try to move on try to get up, leave and be strong, be absolutely strong!

i was crying because it was such a good movie. such a great love story that i will keep on searching,searching on something that i know i will never have..

wrong send

"hi"


Sender:
aDit_piGgy
+63922xxxxxxx

Sent:
07:46:29pm
10.20.2005

natuwa naman si gaga kasi nagtext na siya.

"Hi.."

Recipient:
aDit_piGgy
+63922xxxxxxx

Sent:
07:51:00pm
10.20.2005

......................

after 10 years hindi pa rin siya nagrereply. nagkakaroon tuloy ako ng masamang kutob na na-wrong send lang siya.. na wala talaga siyang plano na kausapin ako for the next 10 years...

"hindi lahat ng gusto mo nakukuha mo" is still echoing in my mind...

torned.

pfft.
umuulan.. and i am so bored to death. i woke up about 8 am, i ate breakfast and slept again. i woke up, ate lunch and fortunately i took a bath, and started blogging. well as for tht title.. i want my blog to be hot as hell. i want a good skin!! not that i want a new balat i want a good skin for my blog. and i am also torned between using tagalog or using english as my lingo here in blogger.

change won't hurt once in a while so there will be some changes here in my site.
1. i will not.. well..

di ko na lang pala sasabihin.

talkshit.

hehe

"hindi lahat ng gusto mo nakukuha mo.."

well, i had fun today. we hang out at kat's place. we watched a movie with her family and had comical hirits once in a while. you were so funny tonight, and as we were walking, making our way home, your arms were around me, whispering that you love me and you gave me a kiss..

this fairy tale day ended up with a tragic finn. we took a jeepney home, i payed the fare and sat close beside you.. you didn't talk, didn't move, did nothing but stare somewhere. my phone beeped and i read a text message from you that said:

"hindi lahat ng gusto mo nakukuha mo.."

what happened was that i assumed that you want to take me home. you want to spend my going-home ride with me. us, together. i assumed that you wanted that and it turned out that you really want to go home.. maybe i was too insensitive to feel that. and for that i am really sorry.. i could've understand it if you said that you have to go home already, problem was you said no single word.

i tried to hold your hand, i hugged you, i wrapped my arms around you and you removed it.

i felt like shit.

i feel like shit.

i bleed. and so does everybody.

a post by edge dated back in 092605

"i cry yet again.. breaking my path that i would never shed another tear... i couldn't help it...

when will i be truly happy?"

when will i be truly happy? i love, and i get burned to ashes. am i not really worth anything at all? a stone amidst the sea of jewels. i am nothing. you bring me insecurities with your insensitivity and though i am suffering from all these aches you bring i still find myself redundantly in love with you...

why?

may mga bagay na hindi naituro ang artistang artlets sa akin..

sa dinami dami ng workshops na pinagdaanan namin, sa dinami dami ng mga characterization na ginagawa namin, kahit kailan hindi ko naturuan ang sarili ko na magbagong anyo, magkunyaring matapang, magkuyaring malakas, magkunyaring hindi nasasaktan sa mga ginagawa mo..

sa teatro kailangan pagrampa mo sa entablado, ibang katauhan ka na dapat, may ibang ugali, ibang mannerisms, ibang tao ka na. kaya ko naman yun, nagampanan ko na yun dati, kayang kaya naman. pero bakit pagkaharap kita ako at ako pa rin ang nasaharapan mo? yung mahina, yung iyakin, yung walang ibang ginawa kundi magmakaawa sa atensyon mo?

hindi ko malagyan ng maskara ang mukha ko para hindi mo makitang umiiyak ako, lumuluha tuwing sinasabihan mo ng mga talaga namang masasakit na bagay. hindi ko makundisyon ang sarili ko na kunin ang katauhan ng isang malakas at matapang na babae. babaeng hindi paaapi sa isang lalake. sinusubukan ko pero bakit parang walang nagyayari? hindi nga talaga natuturuang umarte ang puso. leche, virgong virgo pa man din ang signos ko. isang sentimental, ulol na mangingibig. isang baliw.

totoong may mga bagay na hindi naituro ang artistang artlets sa akin, maski ako hindi ko maturuan ang sarili ko na may mga bagay na hindi na sakop ng pag-arte, hindi kayang pekein, hindi kayang palamutian ng mga matatalinhagang linya, hindi kayang takpan ng make-up ang malungkot kong mukha sa tuwing nagkukunyaring kaya kong mabuhay sa pagbabalewala mo....

listahan ng kailangang gawin ng isang taong mangangahas na magmamahal sa akin.

kailan ko kaya maririnig sayo na mahal na mahal mo ko? kailan ko kaya maririnig na salamat sa lahat pinaligaya mo ako? kailan ko kaya mararamdaman yung tunay na init ng yakap mula sayo? kailan ko kaya mararanasang matulog ng hindi mo tinutulugan? kailan ba kita mahahalikan na ako lang ang laman ng isip mo? kaialan kita makakausap na ako lang ang pagtutuonan ng atensyon mo?kailan?...

kailan mo kaya gagalangin ang desisyon ko? kailan mo kaya bibigyang importansya ang mga araw na importante para sa akin? kailan mo kaya ako yayakapin sa tuwing nilalamig ako, natatakot at naglalambing? kailan mo kaya pakikinggan ang mga iyak ko? kailan?...

kailan mo kaya ako ihahatid sa bahay? kailan ka kaya kakatok sa gate namin na may dalang putingmga rosas? kailan ka kaya makikipaglaro ng chess sa papa ko? makikipaglaro sa aso ko? ipagdadrive ang nanay ko? kailan ka magpapakilala sa magulang ko at sasabihing mahal na mahal ko po ang anak ninyo?

kailan kaya tayo magsisimbang dalawa?kailan ko kaya makikilala ang mga kaibigan mo? makakwentuhan ang mga kapatid mo? matulungan sa kusina ang nanay mo?kailan mo kaya ako ipapakilala sa tatay mo?


kailan ko kaya mararamdaman ang pagmamahal na higit pa sa halik at yakap?
kailan kaya ako iiyak ng hindi na ikaw ang dahilan?

you are about to see the unseen me

here again i write
the saddest lines i could think of
these are the times that i just couldn't see
why you can never love me.
we are together
so close
and inches apart
your breath i take in
your kisses i drown in
but your soul so far away
my chest so close to your heart
but your love is in a distant land
somewhere i dare to go
somewhere i dream to see
somewhere...
somewhere that i can never be ...

a place you hold for someone else
your love i can never touch.

can't my kisses reach your heart
can't my hands touch your soul?
what more do i have to give?
for you not to leave me?
for you to share my dreams with?
for you to stay..
for you to stay and love me
love me more than i could ever offer you?

am i that difficult to love?
don't you believe me when i say that i am giving you all the love i have?
all the passion burning inside me?
are you not really convinced when i say,
that i love you
and that i really do?
that i did all the crazy things to have you beside me
to have you beside me
to have you beside me....

i wanted so much to let you know
that i will never let you go
that i will bear all the pain
that i will bear all the aches
the bruises, the stitches, the burns..
to have you beside me.

have i told you that i will never leave?
for as long as you say that you love me.
as long as you say that you need me,
as long as your words are reaching me,
then i will not leave.
words..
words..
i depend my life on words you say
slap myself with the words you say
and overwhelm myself with the sweetest of lies you have in store for me
words, that's all you got.
i rarely feel the "i love you"s that i hear
the "i need you"s
i love you
but i'm not happy anymore
but everytime you ask me,
i give in to you much much more.
i can't understand the lies i am in,
i lie even to myself.
telling me that still can fight this sadness.
this depression.
i'm lying to everyone i know..
i've turned indifferent to everyone i know,
just to love you.
just to love you,
just to love every inch of you...

and what do i get?

























exactly.

my eyes are bleeding, my heart is crying

my eyes are swollen.
my heart is bleeding, i am still afraid of letting go...
for a moment i thought i can live on without you,
for a moment i thought that i can throw your memories away,
for a moment i thought that i could no longer bear the pain
so might as well let you go...
yes i did...
but just like the quote goes
"you fing your hands bleeding, but empty..."
you let go of the broken glass you were holding, the broken glass that kept on hurting you,
but when you finally let go, your hands are stil laching, your hands are still bleeding, your hands are empty. you have nothing anymore....

that was the exact feeling i felt 9 hours ago.. i let you go.. told you that i too get tired of all the aches you bring, of all the blood i shed.. and so i did... the moment you spoke, i cried even more... the tought is sinking in, my mind is saying to let go, but my heart is aching to stay... then you were saying goodbye.. telling me that you will try to forget me... that i should not try calling you again... and then you hung up... i hung my head....

i still couldn't let you go...
i can't bear to watch you walk away,
watch our memories fly away...

please take me back.......

im cynical..

I HATE:
megamall, alimall, gateway, farmers plaza,starmall, edsa central, shang, mrt, lrt, shawarma, rrj, siomai, gotoking, nike, moviehaus, walking, lovers, lovers kissing, lovers kissing nad hugging, lovers kissing hugging holding hands, flowers, chocolates, music, guitars, bands, sunshine, rain, love, hate, girls, boys, women, men, boobs, sex, dates, 25, november, koreans, chinitos, fat, tall, pictures, tickets, tolls, inspections, guards, staircases, elevators, escalators, libre newspapers, crowds, being alone, icool, gums, laughter, smiles, donuts, coffee, 711, pasig palengke, jeepneys, buses, caltex, bulacan, pasig, dogs, i hate everything that will remind me of you.

I HATE YOU MAKING ME MISS YOU LIKE HELL.
but what can i do.... i'm nothing anymore. couldn't claim anything from you.
we're back to what we were before,
strangers.

tonight i will write the saddest lines

i'm really not in the mood to tell everyone my sick life, things are better said when written. i'm sick of everything. i'm sick of my life. i'm sick of HIM. i'm sick of them making me sick. i'm so insecure about everything else. things suck. things are sick and so am i. i'm too shitty to function. maybe, just maybe, i deserved to be loved by nobody.. maybe i was just created to mess my own life up. maybe i deserved nothing but cuss. maybe i deserved no love. why was i loving with my everything?? why did i gave you everything?? WHY THE HELL AM I WAITING ALWAYS FOR YOU?! YOU SICK BASTARD FROM HELL!! YOU NUMB, LIFELESS SHIT, YOU ASSHOLE, YOU MOTHERFUCKING FAG!! WHY ON EARTH DO I love you so much?..... why?... why?... why can't i make my first step to move away?... away from you.. away from all the pain.. the river of tears.. the sleepless nights.. the undying insecurities you bring.. why do i lock myself up in this room immuning myself with all the bruises you give?.. why can't i leave you?.. why can't my feet stand up and find the way out? why am i so helpless? powerless over you..why am i so inlove with you.. and kept brainwashing myself that we are meant to be?.. why can't i accept the fact that you are leaving me... why??? WHY???? why am i still waiting for your mercy. begging. imploring for you to stay.with me.be with me, mine alone.. why.. WHY...

feeling lucky.. not!

nice! i left home early this morning because i wanted to be early for my p.e class and then surprise surprise! WALANG P.E!! argh! niwei.. so i decided to go to the library and spend my horrid hours there to study and then this certain MANONG GUARD won't let me in because of my bag! nakakairita talaga! i told him that i need everything inside that bag to study kaso wala ayaw niya talaga intindihin!! i was really, really, REALLY, REALLLLYYY PISSED OFF!!!

inhale.

anyways, i was just taking a break before i bury myself in my polsci book again..

*sigh*

there is a graded recitation today about the bill of rights.
a double murder quiz in philo.
and i am sure that i will come home late tonight.

welocme to college!

i'll make this fast... 1.. 2.. 3...

ayun! isa ito sa mga pagkakataong nabigyan ako ng chance para mag-blog at dahil sa super dami pa ng babasahin ko para sa graded katayan tomorrow sa pgc e sisimulan ko ng magbasa.. PROMISE!! there are 50+ leaves to be flipped. and i am so sick tonight.

ayan.. i bought my buddy some gummy bears and a bag of popcorn.. i miss my buddy. yes. i miss our nokbuk too...

hayy..
promise babasahin ko na talaga.

yup kimmy. TGIS.. Tiis Gutom Ipon Salapi. tama.tama.

isang panawagan sa lahat ng magulang

hindi ko maintindihan bakit lahat ng bagay na umuusbong sa akin ay kailangan niyong pigilan? lahat na lang ba ng tao, bagay at lugar na minamahal at mamahalin ko ay kailangan niyong ilayo sa akin? at sinasabi niyong hanapin ko kung saan nga ba ang puso ko.. pero lahat na lang ng bagay na gingugusto ko ay ayaw niyo..

what is so illegal about loving rock? what is so wrong with indulging myself with rock music? whats so wrong with bands whose amps play as loud as their passion?? why won't you let me love the things i love?? kung hindi mo kayang mahalin ang mga tao, bagay at mga paniniwalang mahal ko, hayaan niyo kong mahalin sila! hayaan niyo kong hanapin kung san ako mas magiging masaya!

kaya hindi ko makilala sarili ko... kaya hindi ako sigurado sa mga disisyon ko... kaya kahit sa kababawbawan na mga tanong tungkol sa pagkatao ko hindi ko masagot, kasi LAHAT DINIDIKTA NIYO!! LAHAT KAILANGAN SANG AYON SA PANANAW NIYO!! kasi kung hindi tugma sa mga iniisip niyo, mali na.. kung hindi niyo hilig, weird na.. kung hindi kaayaaya sa inyo, rebelyon na..

ilang beses niyo na bang sinabi na "buhay mo yan.."
e buhay ko pala to eh..

with all due respect,
let me have a life free from your dictatorshit.

pinipilit magising, pinipilit matulog...

inaantok na talaga ako pero wala pa ako paper para sa communication arts. hayy.. bakit nga ba nagba-blog ang mga tao? hmm...

philo. hayy.. ang baba talaga ng grade ko dyan. bad trip.

hmm.. kailangan talagang pag-igihan ko na lahat ng aking gagawin. tama na satsat.. gawa naman!

----nothing follows----

there are some things better left unsaid,
there are some things better expressed when sang...


"Fields Of Innocence"

I still remember the world
From the eyes of a child
Slowly those feelings
Were clouded by what I know now

Where has my heart gone
An uneven trade for the real world
oh I...
I want to go back to
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all

I still remember the sun
Always warm on my back
Somehow it seems colder now

Where has my heart gone
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger
oh why...
I want to go back to
Believing in everything

someday i'll try to explain...

ang mga kaganapan kahapon...

shelf number 26
"you indeed are a distraction to my research...
bye"

hahaha nakita ko si ireg kahapon sa library.. sa shelf number 26.. haay.. hindi ko nga natapos yung research ko kasi ang sarap niya talaga pagmasdan! hahahaha bad trip friend ni myx yun tapos kapitabahay pa ni jose.. haay.. he doesn't even know my name... eto pa.. diba lit prelims namin kahapon, nagjumping kacks ako paglabas niya.. hehehe papampam!!

peak of recovery
sabi nga sa economics last year, sa stages of the business cycle. pagsuper depressed na ang economy papalapit na ang recovery stage.. ayan na.. sobrang gulo na sa pilipinas.. baka nga naman papalapit na talaga ang muling pagbangon ni juan... hmm...

frustration
g.a kagabi.. ayun nagdiscuss si kuya john about the things na dapat maacomplish namin. and meron pa nga kaming cute notebook na parang diary. hehehe ayun.. tapos tinawag na yung mga characters para sa play. almost all of my friends were there.. tinanong pa nga ako ni ate marianne kung tanggap ako sabi ko hindi.. ayun nabatukan ako.. si kuya mark tinanong din ako, sabi ko hindi.. napatinggin na lang siya sa akin.. parang imposible daw na hindi ako pumasa... haay.. ganun talaga.. ang tae ko kasi nung audition.. i feel like shit lately.. i feel so frustrated.. nanalo pa kong best supporting actress.. puta.. i feel like shit talaga... :(


on the other hand..
well anyways.. i'm happy naman na nasa set ako! and i get to work with my favorite director ulit diba! hehehe ganto na lang kai, gagalingan ko sa set.. you see, we need to be exposed in different aspects din naman, right? and besides kailangang bumawi this finals.. diba?

don't worry kai.. everything will be damn alright.. ;)

of flunking and standing again

shit. bagsak ako sa eco. isang tumatagingting na 74% sa prelims. utang na loob diba?? pero dun naman sa ibang test results na nakuha ko today. ayos naman. pasado naman. kailangang bumawi. kailangang bumawi! BUMAWI KA!!

hmm. ano pa ba pwede sabihin. ayun.sarap ng kinainan namin kanina sa conception street! woohhooo!!Hapag Kainan na tabi ng shakatak pagkamahal-mahal na momo's! sarap!! MMmmmm!! hehehehehe

ayan. simula nanaman ng bagong kalabryo sa buhay ng isang pagiging apprentice. eto nanaman kami sa late night outs. but not for fun.. gab,umaga,madaling araw at tanghalii ng mga ngaragan.. pera..pagod..puyat..gutom.. haay..

here we go again..

ps.
i won't neglect my studies this time
kai!!

Naaalala Mo pa ba yan? *sob*
Karla Pena

Sinubukan kong kutkutin ang ulo ko,
para kahit isa sa libong pangyayari
Na kasama kita eh
Mabuhayan ang dugo ko.

Nilalakad natin ang kahabaan ng Alabang,
Samu't-saring mukha ng rapist, mandurukot
Nadadaanan, tinitignan
Ngunit hawak mo ang kamay kong pasmado
Alam kong "okey ako sa olrayt"

Sa Jollibee,sa may Alabang pa rin
Kay lola, bumili ng yosi at kendi
Pula. Naisip ko tuloy:
Kasing kulay din ba ng yosi mo ang puso mo?
Natawa ako sa sarili ko,
Tinamaan ako!
Lahat na lang ng nasa paligid ko ay Pula.
Ang puso mo, ang yosi mo
Pati si Jollibee
Isa sa libong pangyayari
Na kasama kita.

Dunkin Donuts, next stop natin.
Mga tinapay na binalutan ng tsokolate
nasa korteng puso na lalagyan,umorder ka.
Magkatapat habang nalulunod sa mata mong
puno ng pagmamahal.
Naisipan ko tuloy umorder ng kape,itim.
Sing itim ng tsokolateng bumabalot sa
tinapay,
Sing itim ng pusong mong dati
nang nagpaluha sa 'kin.
Pagdating ng kape,napahigop sabay ngiti
Isa lang ito sa libong pangyayari
Na kasama kita.

(for toots)

hehe post ni ate karla sa bulletin. natuwa lang ako sa poem.
haay...

"Isa lang ito sa libong pangyayari
Na kasama kita."

mga hinanakit ng isang pulubi

ugh!well, after flunking my exams. we thought of loosin up. so we went out to eat. fay, angge, mingu, avery and gab. haay.. after eating dun sa mormolom grill, which by the way will be the first and last time na kakain kami dun, except na lang if it were the last resto on earth! we decided to hang out.. these were the choices, the pros and cons:

1. gateway----------wala naman kami pera
2. bahay ni mingu---------hmmmn.ano gagawin daw dun?
3. bahay ko---------- paano uuwi si mingu?
4. antonio's----------well, inuman. san un?
5. bahay ni angge--------paano ulit uuwi si mingu?

until we decided to go to mingu's house. blah blah problem was walang transpo, pero that was solved naman by commuting, problem again was mingu doesn't know public transo to their house. so in the end hindi na kami natuloy anywhere but to go home...

another is that.today was Parokya ni Edgar's new album launching. ampota and i have no money to buy that cd!!Myx even invited me to come and watch Parokya sa Araneta.. problem was it was POURING hard rain outside and still no money for me to be able to survive.

"i am so dang broke" like i always say.. good thing was i was able to go home naman all in one piece.

give me a job you guys. :(

i hate to say this but..

i really think i'm flunking this sem. i really am feeling it punching. shit. this was the first time that i took a test with no sure answer. not a single answer that i can bet my life with. philo. ugh! i really feel so stupid! i'm dying.. really.


the mupoitoi story:

poipoi went to market to meet toitoi.
poipoi got a bit late for poipoi's obligation.
but poipoi love being with toitoi.
poipoi enjoyed.

an epitome of what a student shouldn't be:
me.

well..i really hate the topic tenses in english and yep that was hell for me. history? ugh! niwei.. after school, i didn't go home immediately. i was to fix some icky problems at that time and decided to do things alone. went to mega actually. and waited.. for someone to come.

i concluded that "intensive walking leads you to intensive self-questioning"<---such a word?

ye. that when you walk for about 3 miles, alone, you get to think alot of things you normally wouldn't think about. mine was: how on earth did i get this submissive?

i was so pathetic 5 hours ago. and oops.. ahhh!!! i was walking diba? then blah blah blah and guess what! i saw my childhood love! hahaha well.. i was too shy to walk up and say hi. so.. yun.. it ended there.

well.. i really have to start studying now..right.
eco, please don't flunk me.

ugh!

there are sp many things to do that my incapable mind can't think of ways and means to solve them all but, sleep. hehehe hayy.. i have to study pa for the freaking-pain-in-the-butt prelims, i'm so broke, and dang! i sure do miss you alot na... and your frickin phone won't even ring..

my bestfriends or should i say my allegedly called "barx" (eii! feel uncomfortable using that word!! i'm anti-social!!haha) niwei they were here last night and we went to Nature Camp, the venue for my contoversial "debut".. not that it's flooded with issues, wala lang. i just think it's way too controversial for me. mama's making such a big fuzz out of it. fine, well actually masaya kasi mama's preparing for that ladyish celebration, i appreciate it, really. pero kasi on the other hand, i'm just so scared for 2 reasons:

1. mag-invite ako and no one will come
2. mag-invite ako, they'll come, pero ma-bore sila..

argh!! and THE September prod's coming na.. and i'm so damn scared about it!
pathetic!

hey.. i miss you.

The female voice, according to Islâm, is also included in the category of satar, i.e. it has to be 'concealed' and not 'revealed' . Since the female voice is an entity not to be displayed or advertised, it is not permissible for males to listen to women singing or even reciting the Qur'ân

"A woman is an object of concealment."

Nah. Just found that while I was actually researching things to understand the lessons in my major subject. Imagine. Women are supposed to be concealed... women are of sacred voices... or maybe women were technically banned from speaking up, that I adamantly disagree.

I have whole lot of reviewing to do and I still am nowhere.
I'm hungry.

Presenting...
My Late Posts...

073005

wait lang.

yun. last night was the awards night. i went to school unprepared. no jologs artist to impersonate. no costume. no chuva. no chenes. nothing at all! ugh. so what i did was to buy stuff from the on going bazaar sa colayco. i lost 200 over a chipipay skirt that i didn't wear by the way. it's a long story.. blah blah that i ended up imitating jopay/rochelle of the sex bomb dancers. well anyways..

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! harharhar
all the tears, the blood, the bruises, the sweat, the hunger, the sleepless nights, the review-less days all paid off.. everything was worth it.. yes.. because Philosancti recieved 4 awards!!
+best script!
+best make up and costume design
+best ensemble+umm.. best supporting actress for aling tonya. ;)

i was happy, we were happy no doubt. ha! i love my group, i love philosancti so much! <3
the kokomban group would like to thank:
+ate fatso
+kuya tupe
+ate mayi
+ate rocky
+ate mina
+kuya john
+kuya diego
+of course, ate kay and ate marian
+GOD.thank you po.
thank you thank you thank YOU!

umm..back to my chores. right.

073005-2
the misadventures of the aa apprentices of year 2005.. abowgah!

hmm.. colayco at 11am. today was the art app, we're going to watch this certain play entitled "karsel" after hours of getting all dried up under the sun, we finally made our way to the play.. making our way means, taking public transpo. yup. commute tayo,'day.

there are 16 of us and 15 (yah.including ,me) who knows nothing where the hell are we going. good thing jon was a navigator, a man who knows east from west, and quite familiar with the biiyoootiful city of manila! we went to pedro gil manila, in cardinal jaime sin building. at nagsusumigaw ang sign na: "sandos, mini skirts, chuva" are not allowed inside.
yah the chuva part is not real, ofcourse. pero yun si joi (the director of artista de santissima) kasi was wearing a mini skirt.pero kamusta naman?when we went inside almost every guy were wearing jerseys, girls were wearing nothing. yah, too much brown irritated skin. kamusta naman diba?

ayy! wait before we were allowed to go inside nga pala, a certain barakuda stopped us. at nahampas niya si nice sa braso! and take note, TWICE! kamusta naman diba? that was so rude of her. to think na, as i assumed and soon found out my assumptions were true, that she holds a position in a certain somethingsomething place, DIBA?? ugh! hated her!

the open house : quiapo central market. true. everyone was so damn noisy. busy babbling with each other. kamusta? play ito diba? and so the barakuda went up the stage and tried to tame the house down..

bara: tumahimik nga kayo!!
crowd: oooohhh..
bara: ano ba?! magsitahimik kayo!
crowd: oooohh...
bara: aba!! binabastos niyo ko?? ititigil ko tong palabas na to!
crowd: ooohh...

all that we could say was: "O-M-G whatta crowd!"
the play started..and ended with stupid students who couldn't keep their mouth shut.the script was super, too bad the actors can't deliver the lines properly because of the wild-mob crowd they had as an audience!
haay..this day was pretty exhausting. ENJOY!hahahaha

073005-4
my emo-ego

if tomorrow will be the day that you'll leave me,
i'll try to hold back the sun from rising...

"hanggang kailan ako maghihintay na makasama ka?"-Orange and Lemons

hanggang kailan nga kaya itong paghihintay ko sa wala..hirap na ko..hirap na hirap na sa mga pananakit mo..ganito ka ba talaga magmahal?ganito mo rin ba sila minahal?....

080105
taking a break.

well... i really can't study well tonight! ugh! you know why? because your freaking face is so randomly disturbing me!!! ugh!!! you, kuya tagakolekta-ng-bayad-sa-FX/L300/Adventure-sa-LRT-Santolan-Station!! kaasar talaga!!! akalain niyo ba naman! pinahiya kami nitong lalakeng to na we thought e friend chuva chums chums na namin because lagi naman namin siyang nakakausap! BUT NO!!! he embarassed us sa sandaigdigang mga commuter dun sa L300!!

grabe!! kasi we were talking ni fay, kwento cherlaloo lang naman and then he sat beside us and said really annoying things!! na ang ingay daw namin achuchuchoo! na kesyo magsumbong pa daw kami kong sino sino!! ewan!! PROBLEMA MO HA???

you know what? hey AB students listen up! HE BELITTLES AB STUDENTS, kasi nga naman he is a student from the college of engineering from a freaking i-don't-know-what-school! ugh!! he really PISSES ME OFF!!!!! argh.argh!ARGGHHHHH!!!!

still not ok..i have tons of things to do and that guy still really boils my frikin blood! KAKAIRITA!!

well back to my awful readings.
*PGC- Article 2
*PGC- The Republic by Plato [term paper]
*Literature- Ars Poetica [quiz]
*Philosophy- Cosmology
*Theology- The Life of Jesus [for the prelims]

stress.stress.stress.

dang!

i sure have a lot of crap to blog, but as of now.. i am trying to defy gravity, stopping the hands of time, absorbing things as big as China, argh!

in panic,
kai

ps
i'm flunking eco
ps again
im flunking philo
ps ulit
im flunking PE!!!
ps last na to
i should really start working on my PGC now.tama!

Puhleesee!!

ugh! my mouth is the melting pot of the whole mouth-sore civilization.
i can't speak properly without at least, hurting myself. ahhhh!!! these singaws are so world record!! eew. anyhoo..

here hangin out sa netopia,dapitan. with mingu and kc doing their critiqpapers. well as for me, i did that crap last night,sosyal!hahaha pero kamusta naman?ano daw yun? dapat daw letter yung proj sa english.shocking bananas!! ahhhh!!! cram.cram.cram!!

too late. it's like somethingsomething before 11 and we should be headin out na.. haay..

hungry,
kai

ps.
i think i better ask lolo for the new phone now.
right!
lolo?lolo.. yoohooo.. *snickers*

redundancy

im tired.
being stuffed with the ironies of fate in my mouth.
im tired.
being slapped with things i deserve more.
im tired.
of making myself weary of every bullshit, you.
im tired.
so tired of hopelessly loving you.

when will things ever get back to normal?

i'm flunking, i assume...
i'm sick..
sick of every disease i could think of..
and honestly not sure of this avenue i ventured myself on..

so damn lost..
so damn tired..

Pare

Betrayal..
Unfaithful..
scribbled notes i most likely
should have thrown away
a disease i should have stopped
prevented
and killed...

uneasy..
awkward..
of all the mimicked things.
a replacement
a substitute
a proxy for something
ironically irreplacable.

a place i selfishly would have wanted
a shoe i would have stolen to fit in
a passion i should have owned..
for me.
for me alone.

Sarap Mag Babad!

sarap magbabad! hahaha yesterday i had the sudden urge to go the san miguel babad closing party. and since mom was out of town papa gave in to my pityful plea to watch the event! problem is wala ako kasama. knowing the fact that my dear alalay joy will come with me and terd and biboy and melarie i have to invite others too. called up dianne, bryant and angge and they answered the same statement "wala ako pera eh." rar. called up aprille and yes she will come with me!niwei having P550 we met up with aprille sa kanto and went straight to mega.

blah blah blah blah and we all finally met at the parking lot post DC! let the party begin!!
francis m. was at first (the first sensible band there is) singing kaleidoscope. next was the in-american-suit-in-the-humidity-of-the-concert bloom fields who were possesed with the spirits of the late beatles. i enjoyed the dancing terd and i did but the feeling of humiliation i felt for them was really belittling! ugh! they sang almost one album! and believe me the goth/punk/rakista/posers? were really having a hard time to appreciate their kinda music. others were not clapping. others were cursing "P*TANG INA NIYO!! MAG-BIBEER NA BEER NA LANG AKO!" others were throwing plastic cups at them, papers, beer, rocks, shoes, cars.. nah, just kidding! niwei after 528 days they were through "rocking" the scene. up next were.. umm.. i forgot the chronological order of the jamming species but these were the bands that played:

6Cycle Mind who's first stop was Sige screaming "Kahit San Mig lang, kahit walang pulutan!!"astig astig astig astig. then there was Sandwich!! woohoo! but i forgot that Marc Abaya was long gone. I liked the Two Trick Pony part! Then the trance-metal-rap band who was, record breaking, thrown 5 plastic cups and a coin at his face! lupet! "Ano tong binibigay niyo sa kin?pera? di ko kailangan niyan!" as quoted. then finally there was Rivermaya! first drug was elesi! with the infamous line "KAYO ang mahiwagang elesi!" there was this time when rico blanco asked "sinong may birthday dito?" everybody raised their hands "sabi na e. happy birthday na lang!" hahaha niwei terd and i were enjoying the bouncy crowd we made. hahaha

suma total i enjoyed that night. though i was really shaking in fear when biboy was pumoporma na to get the guy na sinabuyan kami ng san mig, though our feet and backs were aching to death, though i was thirsty all over, and went home at about 3am, i enjoyed it all. sarap. sarap magbabad!

uno

ayon kay robert frost, iniibig ng mga makata ang gabi. marahil totoo rin ito para sa lahat ng malikhaing tao. huwag sanang isipin na ito ay simpleng pagmamahal lamang sa kadiliman - ito ay pagmamahal sa misteryo, sa misteryoso."
-- from the introduction of the malate literary folio, march 2005 edition

ngunit minsan di mabuting magmahal ng isang taong, misteryoso...