7.31.2006

and there's not much room in this world for my mistakes

it's quite funny how i can ignore that thing i did to you.
i still am not crying, well that's a record!
have i finally learned to be strong??


or have i officially turned numb?



oops. a tear just fell. you late devil you. it feels good to cry, though. it makes me feel im still human, that i still can feel a single stab, that i still get bruised with a thousandfold of pains.. it's good. sometimes...

oops. another tear fell. well, im human after all. designed to commit mistakes of a lifetime. and i am not so sure that the world can still accomodate my mistakes and leave room for me to make up for it. leave room for improvement. the world is so fed up with my stupid irresponsible mistakes. i know.

will the world ever forgive me?...
will he ever forgive me.

7.30.2006

there's no other word but sorry.

"sorry na,
saan ka pupunta?
please naman..
'wag kang mawawala...
kapag ako ay iwan mo,
mamamatay ako,
pagkat hawak mo sa iyong
kamay ang puso ko.."

hindi ko alam kung masyado ko ng ninanamnam ang pagiging tanga. o di kaya kailangan ko ng mag-audition para sa december prod kasi napaka-effective ng pag-dideliver ko ng lines.

baka.

kaya ayun, inabot nanaman ako ng KISAPMATA. nawala ka nanaman sa isang kisapmata. ay, hindi pala, nawala ka kasi napakaLAKI kong gago. hindi ko alam kung paanong panunuyo gagwin ko sa'yo. liligawan ba kita? pagsisilbihan ba kita? ewan. wala na sigurong paraan para bumalik ka.. ngayon pang...

ewan.

minsan sa sobrang pagiging tanga ko, nahihiya na kong ikwento. kaya hindi ko na lang isusulat.

"mahal kita,
sobrang mahal kita..
wala na kong pwedeng sabihin pang iba,
kundi SORRY TALAGA,
HINDI KO SINASADYA,
talagang sobrang mahal kita,
'wag kang mawawala..
sorry na....."


maybe, just maybe...
then again,
maybe NOT.


i'm in for a spin..
let it not be true
that i am losing you.
let it not be real
that you're changing the way you feel
please let it not be true
that i am left with nothing to do.
but to wish and long for you
and smitten that let this not be true.

7.22.2006

Sure, That's Ok- TC Fish

i am such a fickle minded--umm..--moron.

-=at work=-
((nag-mmsn kasi walang calls))

jj: mag-reresign ka ba talaga?
kai: oo e. :(
jj: is there no way to stop you?
kai: a different sked i guess..
leo: bakit parang ayaw mo umalis si kai
jj: kasi.. isa pang mawawala sa 'tin, nababawasan pagkatao ko..
leo: so ibig mo sabihin kapag nagresign kaming lahat, hindi ka na tao??

hahahaha

nah. i really love these guys. that made me think again if i am really resigning.. i know, i know, kada has been telling me to RESIGN. a lot of my classmates think i'm suicidal and therefore should resign..

but, there were some instances that made me think that losing this job is actually losing an oppurtunity. Kuya Richard was right, well, the Banker was right, proper timing is needed..

TIME. stupid you. you are a STAGE MANAGER by profession. you are a juggler of time. all you need to do is MANAGE it. so i came up with the following schedule:

fri- 7pm-3am
sat-7pm-3am
sun-7-11pm
-------------
total: 20 hrs <-- the minimum requirement for a part-timer

i won't miss classes. i won't miss lunch with kada. won't miss G.As.
well...

i texted TC Fish. and asked him if its ok that i'll withdraw my resignation and have a different schedule, the one mentioned above. and he replied:

"Sure, that's ok."

but he would still ask the command department about my sched.

is this THE SIGN??

haha wait lang natatawa ako sa sarili ko...

hmm.. if hindi ako papayagan with that sched edi resign si gaga.
pero if papayagan, then i'll give it another shot.


7.15.2006

15

july 14, 2006. kai finally resigned.

went to work with a resignation letter in hand. logged in just in time, had about 20+ calls, system broke down, had another set of calls then TC Fish came to me and said:

TC: Kai, I asked them about your resignation, you are still required to work for 15 days more...

---world stopped spinning---

ok. so that's it. i have to fulfill 15 days more of agony, indecent sleep. 15 more days of running through the walkways of ust to at least catch my second subject.. 15 more days... 15, 000 irate customers for 15 days of work.

think possitive.

it's not 15 days more, it's 15 days left..

God did spoke to Ambergris.
God do have some plans in mind perhaps.

I'm just shaking the heavens to give me enough strength to get through these,
"15 days left."

7.14.2006

of resignation and willie revillame

Dear Sir,

I, ((my name here)), a Customer Interaction Associate, submits my notice of resignation from Ambergris Solutions, effective July 17, 2006.

My contract of employment requires me to work for fifteen (15) days more upon submission of notice. But I plead your good office to release me at an earlier date because I am having a lot of conflicts with my class schedule. AND I AM REALLY DYING.

Thank you for understanding,

((my name here again))
CGE Part Time Batch 1

----------
That is the best resignation letter one employee will ever pass in her entire life! really GOOD. nyahahaa. just kidding, i have a better letter than what i posted here. my father and i (we work hard!--denver) even fought because the first letter i wrote was, umm.. ugly.

so here goes.. later i'll be passing that letter to my TC Fish <-- yeah that's his name] and i hope he accepts it, i hope the "To:" won't matter, i hope, that they will treat me like their Texan customers, consideration.
---------

WOWOWEE.

last year. (yata) ng naganap ang stampede sa ultra dahil sa first anniversary ng WOWOWEE medyo na irita ako sa program na yan dahil sabi nga ni ma'aam peppin,
"WOWOWEE practices the culture of begging. and begging is a sin."

hmm.. yan din ang pinaniwalaan ko for quite sometime. pero nagawa niyo na bang manuod ng WOWOWEE? well, itong palabas na ito never fails to make me LAUGH REAL HARD and umm.. cry hard too...

dinadagsa sila ng masa, kasi nga naman, easy money talaga, kung kakampi mo ang SWERTE, 'DI tulad KO. -_- ayun, tulad nung napaiyak ako nung sa, ano bang segment yun, yung huhulaan mo yung kanta? ganto yung nangyari...

ale: blah blah andito na ko sa wowowee!!((tawa))
willie: may anak ka na ba?
ale: meron pero walang asawa!((tawa))
willie: bakit?
ale: wala eh. walang trabaho kasi! ((tawa))

teka hindi ko na mataandaan. basta kinwento niya na amm ((yung galing sa bigas na dinododo ng bata)) lang ang iniinum ng anak niya, may pambili na raw siya ng gatas ni baby.

and the next thing that happened was, WHOA.

there were like more than 20 people who "donated-gave-extended" a bill, mapa dollar or peso, to her. and like everybody was crying and.. well, me too. tae. ang galing. bayanihan. bayanihan nga ba o panlilimos?

i dunno, what matters most naman is may gatas na dododoin si baby. ^_^
------------

i miss blogging. obvious ba?

7.06.2006

of LBM and Kris Aquino

how do is start posting thee?

hmm.. let me count the ways. i could start by saying that i had LMB that kept me going in and out of my theo class this morning. that made me hurry in finishing my freaking english test and that made me skip Filipino class today..

there. i just started this post with a smelly topic. hehehe

it's thursday today, tomorrow will be friday. and again the world imposes me to resign.

the question is....






is it a DEAL or NO DEAL???

7.05.2006

HURRY! ENROLLMENT ON-GOING!!

((please fill out the form and mail to bludox@yahoo.com))

  1. Name:
  2. Age:
  3. Birthday:

cut the crap. let's make it more relationship-specific.

  1. Name:
  2. Sex/Gender: MALE/ choose: (Bi, Straight, Metrosexual, Multi-sexual)
  3. Baog ka ba? Yes or No.
  4. Are you a horny-pervert? if yes proceed to #31 if not-so-much, answer #5.
  5. How many ex-girlfriendsss?
  6. Had FUBUs?How many?if more than one proceed to #31
  7. Practiced safe sex with past relationships? (baka may anak ka na pala.)
  8. Educational Attainment:
  9. Employed? If yes, answer follwing questions. If not proceed to #14
  10. How much is your salary?
  11. Kaya mo ba ko pag-aralin?
  12. Mapapadoktor mo ba ko pag-nagkasakit ako?
  13. Mapapagawan mo ba ng bahay mga magulang ko?
  14. Magpapakilala ka ba naman sa mga magulang ko??
  15. Do you remember anniversaries?If yes proceed to #16, If no proceed to #31
  16. Do you give gifts?if yes proceed to #17. if no proceed to #18
  17. Price range from what price to what price?
  18. How often will you hurt me in a day?
  19. Will you love the people , places and things i love?
  20. Are you allergic to dogs?if no, proceed to #21, if yes proceed to #31
  21. Do you have a nice nape? (batok) attach picture.
  22. Do you have good conversation skills?
  23. Good grammar?
  24. God Fearing?
  25. Do you attend mass?
  26. Are you even CATHOLIC??
  27. What are your likes?
  28. Dislikes?
  29. Knows how to kiss? If yes, proceed to #30 if no, proceed to #31
  30. Will you truly love me?

Requirements:

  • Whole Body picture. Preferably with clothes on.
  • A close-up picture of your nape (batok)
  • Birth Certificate, proving you're human.
  • NBI clearance. proving your still HUMAN.
  • SSS. and ME, as your beneficiary.
  • The Title of your parent's house. The AUTHENTIC copy.
  • An essay entitled: "How I Can Make Kai Happy Spiritually, Nutritionally, Educationally, Physically and Sexually"

FAQ.

Q: Where is question number 31?Im kinda getting lost...- posted by hornyguyimyours

A: EXACTLY!!

Si KAI ay isang.... na Girlfriend.

((paunawa: ito'y hindi sa pagbubuhat ng bangko, pero magbubuhat na rin...))

  1. MAPAGMAHAL - sabi nga nila, "people need love especially when they don't deserve it." be happy na mahal na mahal kita.
  2. MAUNAWAIN-dahil kailangan mo ko, PUPUNTAHAN KITA. kahit saang LUPALOP pa yan.
  3. NAGPAPAUTANG-dahil maunawain ako, kahit walang wala rin ako, papautangin kita kasi kailangan MO.
  4. NAUUTO-kahit ano, basta IKAW!
  5. MAGANDA-walang kokontra.
  6. MATALINO- I said so.
  7. PASENSYOSA-i can wait for YOU for FREAKIN HOURS!
  8. KABARKADA-LIKE. BESTFRIEND-LIKE. NINANG-LIKE. NANAY-LIKE. TEACHER-LIKE. YAYA-LIKE. STAGE MANAGER-LIKE. -i can be anything you please. i can manage different ROLES for you!
  9. MADASALIN.
  10. at higit sa lahat. TANGA

7.03.2006

as usual. i'm stuck here waiting for that someone, who never fails to come late. and sometimes it amuses me how i can withstand waiting, burning seats, or maybe stand-killing my feet just to wait for him.. for hours.. it just amuses me how i can bear all that----and it horrifies me.

there was always a thin line between love and stupidity for me. and i am so brilliant not to know the difference whenever people ask me which is which.

bobo.

i just heard that word for so many times today, and it keeps on ringing in my mind. i'll never get over the fact that people think of me as the most stupid breathing person on the surface of the earth. because i choose to be stupid. and i know how i opt to be stupid all along.

because i refuse not to see that this earth we are in is not actually the world i thought it was. why can't this earth be just as marshmallow-y just like what i want it to be. i love you, you love me, i trust you, you trust me.....







----// bobo.

7.02.2006

there are so many things i wish i can blog at this instance but i'm too chaotic to do so. having mental gymnastics every now and then, thinking about so many things i cannot actually understand myself. well, for one, I SUCK. BIGTIME.

i've been having a lot of dillemas now.. should i or shouldn't i...
RESIGN?

i admit i did have a salary more than i expected. it was enough to buy me a new phone i guess, or maybe open a decent bank account or maybe just treat everybody a drinking feast of a lifetime.

but i didn't.
because i shouldn't.

my money went to my daily allowance, my father's medicine, the hospitalization-injection-medicine of my dog nemo, my books, school supplies, shoes and i did help a few family members..

how much was left?

tumatatingting na:

P263.33

i wasn't able to buy myself that techie flash drive. that freaking up dharma down cd. no i wasn't able to buy myself new clothes, wasn't able to treat my friends, no luxury. no vice.

so why am i still wondering where my money went? bobo.

i have to resign. actually it was world imposed.
-kada
-buddy
-close friends
-toitoi
-and finally, parents.

just for the record, I AM VERY TIRED WITH MY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

being stuck in dillemas you cannot actually find a way out. being stuck in mazes i myself know the answer but left with too many options that makes it hard for me to pick the right one.

i am such a whiner.. he once scolded me for being such a cry-baby. i know, i admit. i am really a brat.

GUSTO KO LANG NAMAN TUMULONG.

i want to resign. because i am so tired and sleepy. payat na payat na ko, and i believe any moment i can get hospitalized. i don't want that to happen. but still....

having that job. it could buy me things, help my parents, help my cousins, take care of my dogs, pay the bills or something.

shet. ano to? ulirang kabataan award?

well kai,

"MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!!"