tonight i will write the saddest lines

i'm really not in the mood to tell everyone my sick life, things are better said when written. i'm sick of everything. i'm sick of my life. i'm sick of HIM. i'm sick of them making me sick. i'm so insecure about everything else. things suck. things are sick and so am i. i'm too shitty to function. maybe, just maybe, i deserved to be loved by nobody.. maybe i was just created to mess my own life up. maybe i deserved nothing but cuss. maybe i deserved no love. why was i loving with my everything?? why did i gave you everything?? WHY THE HELL AM I WAITING ALWAYS FOR YOU?! YOU SICK BASTARD FROM HELL!! YOU NUMB, LIFELESS SHIT, YOU ASSHOLE, YOU MOTHERFUCKING FAG!! WHY ON EARTH DO I love you so much?..... why?... why?... why can't i make my first step to move away?... away from you.. away from all the pain.. the river of tears.. the sleepless nights.. the undying insecurities you bring.. why do i lock myself up in this room immuning myself with all the bruises you give?.. why can't i leave you?.. why can't my feet stand up and find the way out? why am i so helpless? powerless over you..why am i so inlove with you.. and kept brainwashing myself that we are meant to be?.. why can't i accept the fact that you are leaving me... why??? WHY???? why am i still waiting for your mercy. begging. imploring for you to stay.with me.be with me, mine alone.. why.. WHY...