still bitching nina

its suppose to be nina with an "enye" as in: ninya. but im too bitchy to copy paste the proper character for her name. ugh. i hate it when she flirts with bam!!

nina: love mo ko bam?
bam: diyos ko! sa ganda mong yan!

chever.

hehehe i've been swearing nina's name for the past 3 days. tae. kasi naman tong si bam kamukha ni terd e. tapos bam is also the younger brother of one of my favorite actresses, si dimples romana!! waaah! bam we're meant to be!! let's eradicate nina off the face of the earth! hahaha no wrong laugh *ehem* MWAAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *evil laugh*

tae. and kanina nga pala sa fx na van na pa-tikling. may kano na sasakay din. eh he was so tall and he barely fit beside me. tapos sabi ni manong driver..

manong driver: oh, you don't fit there!
kano: no, it's ok.
md: no, no, no.. umm.. miss (to the girl infront) palit kayo.
kano: i'm ok here.
kai: (taas kilay)

tsk tsk tsk colonial mentality. some special treatment, huh? why not distort your body just like everyone else just to fit into a tiny van?! ok sige, hospitable and all ang mga Pilipino but that was over. hindi nga nag-aagree nanay ko sa pangbibitch ko (weh kai?) pero i still think what the driver did was wrong. good that he was sensitive enough to know the needs of the kano pero para naman mahirapan ang isang kababayan just for the sake of a foreigner? hindi na tama yun!!! hindi!! HINDI!!!!!

IMPERIALISMO IBAGSAK! PUPPET, PASISTA, PAHIRAP SA MASA!!!!
PAPAYAG BA KAYONG.. umm.. ano ulit yung line gab?

cheka.

bitching out

so you think you're hot???

just because you have that long black hair, that sick yellow off-shoulder top with your bra strap showing, just because you're white and with that pasosyal accent, YOU THINK YOU"RE HOT?!! so you could flirt all the guys inside?! and hello?? if you were afraid of dogs you shouldn't have exerted effort struggling to get inside! hello? and hold BAM'S HAND?! and hug the-other-guy-what's-his-name?! eew. i'm really sick of seeing your face! hehehe sabi ni papa maybe i was just insecure that she was prettier than me, duh? malamang. yah she's pretty and she knows it, and that's the ugly part there. yah she's pretty and propbably every guy watching PBB's masterbating their equipment, moaning their way to heaven and hell with nina in their liquid dreams!!

bwahaha! evil.

oh come on nina. stay away from bam!and it freaks me out that a girl like her with a body like that is flirting with terd!! oops.. i mean.. bam. hehe sorry. change topic. change lingo.

huwaran ng kabataan, sa pangunguna ni nina. -doubtful

unang gabi ang topic: sinong cute sa mga boys? ((with her eeky pa-sweet na boses))

sick.

isa pa tong si "orig ng davao"?

well.. i think she should exert more effort to prove her being "orig ng davao'. sabi dun kasi sa vtr niya, she was so kikay before so that she'll blend into the crowd, to fit in, kaso she realized that everyone was so piratedso she went against the flow. and that gave her that title, 'orig" ng davao (nga ba?) becasue as i see it. she's just so like the others. making pakikay and speaking like ganito and that she's so like maarte and her voice is parang like ipis.

poser!

poser. haha. ako nga rin yun. while i was proclaiming to the world na i was moving on. i am

still not even a step away from the spot where he left me. i'm still hoping nad waiting for him to come back. actually, call him and wait till he asks for us to go out. the night where the teen pbb came out, well technically "came in", i texted terd..

flashback.

hi. nood ka pbb.kamukha mo si bam.
whatever.
sorry, was just trying to strike up a conversation.
i know.
i miss you.
ako din.
why do you push me away?
because i'm stupid.
that line again.
yes.
...
...
...
kita tayo bukas.
what time?
1.
ok.
....
i love you.
i love you too.

the next day


serious talk attempt number 1

papunta sa bahay ni bestfriend.

tanong.
ano?
may nililigwan ka ba?
wala. bakit sa tingin mo?
meron.
ba't mo naman nasabi?
kasi---waaaaaaaaahh!!
poi!!


((muntik ng masagasaan ng tricycle))

ng makaligtas sa tricycle

tanong
ano?
sino na ako sa buhay mo?
ikaw si kai..
...
ang special chevver ng buhay ko.
...

((nakarating na sa gate nila bestfriend))

pauwi galing sa bahay nila bestfriend

tanong.
ano?
masaya ka ba?
oo.
bakit mo ko iniwanan?
kasi gagabihin ka na...
ano?!
...
bwahahahahaha!!!

((nasira ang momentum sa kabihingan niya))

juana tanga

malalim...
nalaglag na ko dyan dati.
nakalulula,
madalim,
nakatatakot.

ayoko ng bumalik dyan,
ayoko ng malaglag ulit..

saan ako pupunta?

eto nga't,
patitihulog ulit ako.

idedemo ko lang sa inyo
kung pano maging tanga..

[[no one is really worthless, you can always set as a bad example.]]

have mercy

woke up at about 4:00 am. drank chocolate, took a bath and made our way to marilao, bulacan. it's the divine mercy feast today and we annualy visit that place. that place.

bulacan.

i was psychologically tortured with thought of me, being in, "that place", bulacan. the home town of that person i cannot let go of, that person i couldn't stop thinking about.. yah. pathetic.

again, i attempted a conversation with him, looked desperate and got ignored by him for the upteenth time.

like what the god of stoicism say... it sucks.

like what i've mentioned today is the feast of God's mercy, that we should all completely trust in him. let go and let God..

letting go is very hard for me... to think that i've fallen deeply in love with the same person who's deeply hating me right now...

maybe i should really let go... no, i should really let go now..

i just have one wish.. and that's to see him again.. for the last time, i know i the last time i told myself that it would be the last time was not really the last time, but THIS TIME, i know it will be.

for the past few days

for the past few days, nothing reallt interesting happened. except that i was suppose to go to bora during the weekend, but to my dismay ( i wish there was a graver term for dismay) our trip was postponed for at least 10 years...

for the past few days, so there gab, avery and i had our eco classes with dr. lopez and learned that miss estacio was too busy working out sa gym and that prof. bong lo is still a virgin. yeah. that's what he taught us..

and also for the past few days i have been thinking of him endlessly.. and it sucks so much that i am being ignored by him...

and also for the past few days my childhood love's been texting me and doing me favors. he asked if we can bring back the "thing" we had back then. tae. ba't ko ba sinasabi toh?

[[ i know you'll never be mine again...
i just wish to spend my last,
very, last time with you...
i'm really missing you so bad...]]

late posts

sorry i haven't been blogging lately. well, first of all i'm busy.. busy doing nothing as usual.
so ano nga ba mga nangyari sa 'kin these past few days...

ALAY LAKAD

as a penance. (tama ba?) i went along with my relatives to participate sa Alay Lakad. an annual event which i never religiously followed annually. and so there, we walked the 14 stations of the cross up to the antipolo cathedral. grabe sa over. 5 kms ba yun? ang sakit ng katawan ko!! ('till now) and yun..

on the way may mga libreng tubig, libreng c.r, libreng dyaryo, libreng pabahay, libreng hipo, libreng scholarship, libreng papa.... etc. pero syempre hindi totoo yun..

Alay Lakad is also known as:

-Alay Porma- when posers of all ages would make their way to antipolo wearing their own "fashionista" statements.

-Alay Gala- wala lang. nakikiuso lang sila.

-Alay Syota- the best oppurtunity to cuddle with your syota. tae.

disappointing, oo. this event was suppose to be something you offer to God, sharing His passion, hindi ba? kaso oo nga maraming tao ngayon, SOBRANG DAMI, pero devoid na of meaning.

i had clean intentions of participating sa Alay Lakad.. promise! pero on the way talaga marami kang makakasalamuhang mga tao na halata namang sugod ng Diyos para subukan ang pasensya mo... haay...

QA RECORDING, MARKET! MARKET!

so Ambergris Solutions finally called back and told me that we'll be having our contract signing at 5pm, April 11. woah! hindi ba astig? pero after 2 hours or so, they called back again, joke lang daw.

we still have to pass this qa recording. na we have to pick 4 out of 9 questions, answer it over the phone and to also read a Mini- Miranda..

ex: Hello, this is (state name here) i'm from capgemini energy. we represent txu energy.

we are attempting to collect a debt amounting to $100.

blah blah blah and if you don't pay now we'll sue you,

asshole!!

*BWAHAHAHAHA!*

yun. dapat ganun raw. hehe unfortunately they made me repeat my thingies twice. and then kat and i made our way home... they'll call us daw.

tapos...

3RD

tumambay muna ko kela kat after the recording. text terd to come over, which he immediately accepted naman. he's just a ride away from kat's place. so yun.. we spent the day together.. haay. talking, harutan, sapakan at inuuto yung mga kapatid ni kat sa mga walang humpay niyang magic.. we decided to go home at 8pm. and pagkalabas namin sa porch.. he gave me a peck.

pasintabi lang po sa mga AA.

i feel like a fubu. except that we don't fu.

tae.

ECO

to L.E---> you!

• if it weren't for this shitty eco class, i should have been packing my things to BORA now.
• you know he finally invited me to go with him sa kanilang family outing, pero i have to attend this summer!!

it meant a lot to me na ininvite ako ni (III) sa outing nila with his family. i have been wishing to meet his family.. tapos thanks to you.. HINDI NA PWEDE!

bitter.

so bitter.

officially single, tribute article 1

went to school to get my clearance. texted him if he wants to meet up with me, he said yes. i felt stupid for texting him and wondered why he agreed to see me... but whatever the reason was, he fetched me.. he was just as casual as before it irritated me for he was acting as if nothing happened, cracking up jokes as if he said noting grave to me. he was so plainly him and it pissed me! and he got pissed too.. we had an hour of silence. we talked, actually texted though we were beside each other, i cried, then he said "ngayon mo sabihing masaya ka sa 'kin.." he hugged and kissed me and we decided to spend the day together.. for the last time...

we took a bus, nagharutan, laughed, punched each other out. nilamukot niya mukha ko, and told me that i looked so ugly when i pout.. i said he'll miss that and he said yes. went to mega, nag-arcade, got lost, got broke, drank frappes, sat down on those metal benches and talked... he asked for the breaking-up speeches i wrote before and read it.. and after that we took pictures of ourselves... laughed and laughed more.. and decided to go home. while we were on the escalator he hugged me tight and said "mamimiss ko to..." ako din. then he accompanied me to the terminal station.. talked some more, joked some more, punched and sratched each other's skin some more and all the harot we do. we did. he went home. i went home and will miss every inch of fat he has, all the corny jokes, all his ka-artehan, all his hirits, i will miss him...

unang araw, linggo ng palaspas

sabi kanina ni Fr. Orbos sa kanyang retreat:

"Let Go. Let God. Move On"

maybe that was a sign from God. for me to let go, for me to let Him decide and steer my life and move on. maybe that was His sign. or was i just being too cheesy?

"now i know i'm not really making you happy.. i think i should really let you go.."-adik-adik; 10:54am

after sending him tons of text messages last night. he texted me this morning on my way to church. he said sorry. sorry for leaving me. and i said we say sorry when we did something wrong, he doesn't have to say sorry. and so he didn't reply anymore..

Patlang by Cambio

Tumutulo luha ko
Tahimik tayo sa telepono
Di makakailang
Di na tayo masaya sinta
*paano kung ayoko na?
`san na tayo pupunta?

**pilit mang pigilin
Luha'y darating din
Wag mo lang sabihin
Ayaw mo nang isipin
Wag na nating patagalin
Di ka masaya
Pagod na ako
Tapusin na natin ito
Di makapaniwalang matatapos na
Parang kay tagal nating nagdusa
Pusong di mapalagay
Parang habambuhay kitang hinintay
Repeat * and **

Paalam na (8x) sinta

"'Di ka masaya, pagod na ako.."

Lalalalala...

THE BEST PORN SITE EVER!!! haha check it out!
nah.. tingnan niyo lang. mga mind buggling illusions.
enjoy..
-_-

http://www.winterrowd.com/illusions

thoughts of an inconsistent (depressed) writer

of watching Home Boy

i was just wondering. is snooky serna's boyfriend the ex-boyfriend of ala paredes? or was i just so stupid? anyway. their kinda weird---in a cute way. i think that nino is a member of the blue jeans band. imagine. nino at 32 inlove with snooky at 40. wow. amazing noh?

next. baron geisler and tarah tambunting (tunog mayaman noh?). tarah's 16 and baron's 23. nice. their kinda cute din. stories have it na while tarah (a singer) sings, baron will suddenly come up on stage and read tarah a poem, written while tarah was doing her thing on stage. pasweet.

lovers.

i wish i can be happy too.. free to express myself in public like them. enjoying my life to the ends of it. i wish i was allowed to fall in love...

to hell with tarah tambunting at 16.. i am already 18. of leagal age. can be sued. can sue. can work. can love. but not allowed to.. it sucks.

no offense tarah.. i'm just bitter about my isolated life..

a letter to mr. sigmund freud

ginoong sigmund freud,

itong sulat na ito ay tungkol nga pala sa paliwanag mo tungkol sa mga makumundong panaginip. oo alam kong hindi ka nakakaintindi ng tagalog pero dahil matalino ka naman.. eh.. alam kong gagawan mo ng paraan. tungkol ito sa napanaginipan ko tito boy.. este.. mr. freud. napanaginipan ko ang isa sa mga importanteng lalake ng buhay ko. hindi kamag-anak. naniginip akong magkasama raw kami sa isang gig sa mall, holding hands, at sweet na sweet. sa panaginip para kaming magsyota. pero sa totoong buhay, hindi kami. at parang si jewel in the palace at kapitan na forbidden love. hehe tangina ang corny ko pero susulatan pa rin kita.. hindi naman sa bawal pero parang taboo kasi. ah ewan. yun na lang. napanaginipan ko siya at sa panaginip na yun alam kong may "girlfriend" siya at alam niyang may "someone" ako pero pasweet pa rin kami sa panaginip na yun.. ang tanong.. BAKIT AKO NANAGINIP NG GANUN???

sabi mo daw kasi. ang mga panaginip ay mga hiling natin sa reality. kaya nga "dreams".. inaasam.. pinagnanasaan (lecheng term). at dahil nga hindi naman pupwedeng mangyari sa tunay na buhay, tinatapon ng utak natin ang mga ideyang ito sa sub-conscious at pagtulog natin magma-manifest ito into a dream (ayan. marami ng ingles na salita). ang tanong... SIGURADO KA BA???

alam kong naiirita ka na sa kin pero, pasensya na.. nawindang lang talaga ako sa panaginip ko nung isang gabi. hindi ko kinaya! haay. wala lang.. ikaw? kamusta na love life mo?

keep in touch,
kai

pusa at k/ky-eme

while i'm typing this entry, there is.. umm..

*shit i have to look!*

a kitten. a white kitten with black spots, sleeping at (on, in.. whatever!) my window.
good that IT's sleeping, kanina it was STARING AT ME THE WHOLE TIME!!

*God IT's awake again!!!*

please. i hope i'll not wake up in the middle of the night with IT's creepy meows and chevers.

*tulog na talaga siya!!*

11:30pm: NAGISING YUNG PUSA!!!

----
eto nga pala ang pag-aaway namin tungkol sa spelling ng...

kai: KYEME KAYA!!!
kai: haha natatawa tuloy ako sa pronunciation ko.
kai: basta KYEME!
jon: kyeme is like.. kuya jason's pronunciation of keme..
angge: see kai?!
avery: keme kaya...
avery: sorry uli...
myx: spelling ko din keme
kai: keme.
kai: keme.
kai: keme.
kai: keme.
angge: 4 vs 1 kai!!!
angge: hahahahaha!!
angge: joke
kai: pag-pitik ko ng daliri ko kyeme na ang paniniwalaan niyo..
angge: love u kai
kai: kyeme.
kai: kyeme
kai: kyeme
kai: kyeme
kai: kyeme
kai: kyeme
kai: *snap*
avery: keme...
angge: KEME KEME KEME KEME KEME
kai: tae.
myx: kemeeee
avery: keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme
myx: k to the eme.
avery: kemeeeee naman to...

ng kami'y nag-YM nung madaling araw nung april 4

avery: yes?
mingu: bkt d ka pnta kai?
kai: ((same lines))
kai: financial matters.
kai: preparing for mama's project launching.
mingu: kng pautangin ka namin?
avery: please please please...
avery: oonga...
avery: ni mingu.. go mingu!
kai: 450+groceries+pocket money.
kai: (gago eiv.)
mingu: oo nga!! di ka na nga nag OP r
kai: oo nga...:(
mingu: -ehji
mingu: kwentahin mo lahat magkano
avery: nakina mingu si ejhi...
mingu: now na
kai: huh?
avery: 800?
avery: heheh...
kai: ha..
mingu: andito rin c edge
kai: more or less..
kai: hi ehji.
mingu: katabi ko
kai: :)
avery: 650?
avery: 650?
mingu: mgkano kai>
angge: wow
kai: malay..
avery: 550 lang kasya na yun...
kai: guys kakausapin ko pa si mama ulit bukas..
angge: kai i think 700 is enough
avery: pocket money ikaw na bahala... kaya mo na yan!
angge: sobra p nga un e
kai: yah. i have 57 pesos.
avery: oo.. sobra pa ang 700... OA...
kai: haay.
kai: cge kakausapin ko ulit si mama..
avery: oki na yan pang pocket!
avery: ako nga... natirang pera ko... 27php.
avery: kumusta?
angge: kc may food nmn n delata
kai: umm..
kai: may isa pa problem..
angge: ano?
kai: di ako marunong lumngoy.
avery: ano?
mingu: kwentahin mo, we'll do something bout it..
avery: DUH?!
avery: edi turuan ka namin ni marrrrlon...
angge: duh kai!
angge: punta n b c marlon?
avery: ewan... pero dapat siyang pumunta kasi... buddy niya si kuya gretski...
kai: hehe marlon? ewan.
mingu: ipapasan nlang kita, mtankad nman ako -ehji
mingu: tell ur mom na kami gagastos
avery: oonga... go mingu!
angge: nice ehji
avery: :D
angge: oo nga kai pra msaya tau
kai: hahaha!
kai: :((
kai: tangina niyong lahat!!!
mingu: kaya no prob

*ang mayabang na si avery, di pala pinapayagan..*

avery: oonga...
avery: ako pa...
avery: hindi pa ako pinapayagan...
mingu: smahan nyo na ho,
angge: oist c anne ndi p sure kc may outing din xa ng 8
mingu: ko..
avery: hekhekhek...

kai: naiiyak ako!

mingu: -ehji
kai: mga hayop kayo!
kai: teka..
kai: kakausapin ko si mama talga..
mingu: guys tulungan to ha, for kai
kai: PPPOOOOOOOOOOTAH!!!
kai: tama na!!
angge: haha!!
avery: :D
kai: tae pinagtawanan pa ko..
kai: gago.
angge: kapwa ko mahal ko newest edition
kai: GAGO ANGGE!!!

i love these guys so much. too bad na kahit sana susupotahan nila ko for the farewell party, hindi na talaga ako pinayagan at hindi na talaga papayagan... ganoon lang talaga. pero kahit ganoon. i'm thankful na may mga kaibigan akong tulad nila... guys enjoy na lang kayo ha?...

NGARAGity mode over.

waaahh!!! i didn;t fail any subject this sem!! but of course i'm not forgetting the SHITTY flunked ECO. well anyways.. I didn't get the uno i was expecting. at least wala pa rin akong tres. hehehe

i can't say anything at the moment. umm.. late posts na lang ulit:

• 032806
  pag-ibig.
  sawang sawa na siguro ang mga kamay kong magsulat tungkol sa pag-ibig. dahil tulad ng sarili ko, hindi ko tanto ang pag-ibig. sabi nga ni Witgenstein "what we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence" kasi tulad ng sabi nila "little knowledge is a dangerous thing" so we, i, better not talk at all..
  
  pag-ibig.
  pag-libog.
  
  sabi nga kanina ni Dexter Doria there is a thin line between love and lust. at natatakot akong dumating ang panahon na hindi ko na alam ang pinagkaiba ng dalawang nakababaliw na mga mundo.

• magic? -032806--- parang magic daw kaya siya nainlove dun sa lalakeng yun.. magic. i'm sorry, i don't believe in magic anymore... kaya nga siguro our love isn't that sparkly. no rabbits running around, coming out from black hats, no multi colored ropes vanishing to nowhere.. magic. no magic. kasi magic is just an illusion. i would never submit myself to mirrors of illusion. magic wouldn't be the right word to describe the authenticity of love. but waves. my love is like the infinte waves battering to the shore. my love is not constant but it's like the dying waves. nothing's sure but uncertainty. and i am very sure that i will not love you forever.. nor will i not love you tomorrow for it is beyond my knowledge. what matters most is that i love you today. and i a love you very much..
  

inspired by:
---angela manalang gloria's to the man i married
---somebody else's love affair.

• "i'm fire and you're the ocean"- jam 88.3

i'm more like the ocean than your fire.
at times i can burn you with endless passion
at times i can drown you and sweep you away..

i'm more like the ocean than your fire,
my waves are inconsistent.
the noise i hide beneath
the creatures, the monsters
the demons i keep.

i'm more like the ocean
i'm less than a fire
my love for you is turning cold
my intimacy growing old
cool me with your fire
save me from drowning,
drowning in my own ocean of desire.

mad at SEX, not about SEX

I was watching this XXX show (not porn) of ABS-CBN and they featured this child who was molested at the age of 5. Her face had bruises, a stitch in her left eye and still bruises all over her body. She was raped. She resisted, but the boy beat her with a stick, no, a WOOD, hit her on the face and her whole body! Shit!

What is it about sex that a BOY can rape and abuse a 5 year old girl?? A boy barely high school? A 15 year old boy??! You messed your life young man!

Tangina. Galit na galit ako sa batang iyon.

Bakit ba may mga batang rapist na?
Sino ba ang nagpaparami ng lahi nila?
Bakit ba hindi maisuplong?
Bakit ba hindi mapigilan ang pagrami nila?

Kasalanan ba ito ng magulang?
O kasalanan ng isang murang isip
na hindi maturu-turuan?

O kasalanan nanaman ito ng media?
Na patuloy na ginaglamoroso ang SEX.
Na bagay lang ang mga babae.
Laruan lang ang mga babae.

Tangina. Nakagagalit talaga.

((Feminist Mode On))