here i go again...

I see them, and all I feel is insecurity and envy. If only I could be where they are now. If I weren't lazy, procrastinating, and afraid of facing and doing the right things, I could have been like them, people who have the urge of moving their way to do what they have to do. What seems to be wrong? Why am I avoiding the things that I really want to do? When will I finally take that step and not just dare myself to do so? What am I so scared of?

-the somnambulist

was too early for my eco class so i decided to treat myself for a P20 worth of airconditioning, a seat and an hour of internet surfing. i miss blog hopping and went through my kada's blog, and was able to come up to the somnambulist's site.

lately i was just happily going with the flow of everything, be contented where the wind takes me and when i read her posts it dawned on me again. i was actually floating to nowhere...

i was really direction-less.
empty handed.
no mission.
no goal.
no ambition.
no evertyhing.
NOTHING.

francis and i had a talk yesterday. asking how was my first 3 days of training, i said it went ok and here's what he said.

cis: nagulat nga si ate mineh pano ka natanggap dun eh.

see. even my own mother doubts how i was able to get the job (as a trainee). that was really something. and i am still NOTHING.

i have a serious problem with knitting my words when speaking, have a terrible problem with grammar and they're all wondering how i came this far.. i am wondering.

maybe i really have an ambition.

all i ever wanted was to be happy. and to make ALL of YOU happy. i want to make my parents proud. i just want to know ME. and that i CAN do something worthwhile.

...na hindi ako bobo tulad ng iniisip niyo..