unang araw, linggo ng palaspas

sabi kanina ni Fr. Orbos sa kanyang retreat:

"Let Go. Let God. Move On"

maybe that was a sign from God. for me to let go, for me to let Him decide and steer my life and move on. maybe that was His sign. or was i just being too cheesy?

"now i know i'm not really making you happy.. i think i should really let you go.."-adik-adik; 10:54am

after sending him tons of text messages last night. he texted me this morning on my way to church. he said sorry. sorry for leaving me. and i said we say sorry when we did something wrong, he doesn't have to say sorry. and so he didn't reply anymore..

Patlang by Cambio

Tumutulo luha ko
Tahimik tayo sa telepono
Di makakailang
Di na tayo masaya sinta
*paano kung ayoko na?
`san na tayo pupunta?

**pilit mang pigilin
Luha'y darating din
Wag mo lang sabihin
Ayaw mo nang isipin
Wag na nating patagalin
Di ka masaya
Pagod na ako
Tapusin na natin ito
Di makapaniwalang matatapos na
Parang kay tagal nating nagdusa
Pusong di mapalagay
Parang habambuhay kitang hinintay
Repeat * and **

Paalam na (8x) sinta

"'Di ka masaya, pagod na ako.."

Lalalalala...

THE BEST PORN SITE EVER!!! haha check it out!
nah.. tingnan niyo lang. mga mind buggling illusions.
enjoy..
-_-

http://www.winterrowd.com/illusions

thoughts of an inconsistent (depressed) writer

of watching Home Boy

i was just wondering. is snooky serna's boyfriend the ex-boyfriend of ala paredes? or was i just so stupid? anyway. their kinda weird---in a cute way. i think that nino is a member of the blue jeans band. imagine. nino at 32 inlove with snooky at 40. wow. amazing noh?

next. baron geisler and tarah tambunting (tunog mayaman noh?). tarah's 16 and baron's 23. nice. their kinda cute din. stories have it na while tarah (a singer) sings, baron will suddenly come up on stage and read tarah a poem, written while tarah was doing her thing on stage. pasweet.

lovers.

i wish i can be happy too.. free to express myself in public like them. enjoying my life to the ends of it. i wish i was allowed to fall in love...

to hell with tarah tambunting at 16.. i am already 18. of leagal age. can be sued. can sue. can work. can love. but not allowed to.. it sucks.

no offense tarah.. i'm just bitter about my isolated life..

a letter to mr. sigmund freud

ginoong sigmund freud,

itong sulat na ito ay tungkol nga pala sa paliwanag mo tungkol sa mga makumundong panaginip. oo alam kong hindi ka nakakaintindi ng tagalog pero dahil matalino ka naman.. eh.. alam kong gagawan mo ng paraan. tungkol ito sa napanaginipan ko tito boy.. este.. mr. freud. napanaginipan ko ang isa sa mga importanteng lalake ng buhay ko. hindi kamag-anak. naniginip akong magkasama raw kami sa isang gig sa mall, holding hands, at sweet na sweet. sa panaginip para kaming magsyota. pero sa totoong buhay, hindi kami. at parang si jewel in the palace at kapitan na forbidden love. hehe tangina ang corny ko pero susulatan pa rin kita.. hindi naman sa bawal pero parang taboo kasi. ah ewan. yun na lang. napanaginipan ko siya at sa panaginip na yun alam kong may "girlfriend" siya at alam niyang may "someone" ako pero pasweet pa rin kami sa panaginip na yun.. ang tanong.. BAKIT AKO NANAGINIP NG GANUN???

sabi mo daw kasi. ang mga panaginip ay mga hiling natin sa reality. kaya nga "dreams".. inaasam.. pinagnanasaan (lecheng term). at dahil nga hindi naman pupwedeng mangyari sa tunay na buhay, tinatapon ng utak natin ang mga ideyang ito sa sub-conscious at pagtulog natin magma-manifest ito into a dream (ayan. marami ng ingles na salita). ang tanong... SIGURADO KA BA???

alam kong naiirita ka na sa kin pero, pasensya na.. nawindang lang talaga ako sa panaginip ko nung isang gabi. hindi ko kinaya! haay. wala lang.. ikaw? kamusta na love life mo?

keep in touch,
kai

pusa at k/ky-eme

while i'm typing this entry, there is.. umm..

*shit i have to look!*

a kitten. a white kitten with black spots, sleeping at (on, in.. whatever!) my window.
good that IT's sleeping, kanina it was STARING AT ME THE WHOLE TIME!!

*God IT's awake again!!!*

please. i hope i'll not wake up in the middle of the night with IT's creepy meows and chevers.

*tulog na talaga siya!!*

11:30pm: NAGISING YUNG PUSA!!!

----
eto nga pala ang pag-aaway namin tungkol sa spelling ng...

kai: KYEME KAYA!!!
kai: haha natatawa tuloy ako sa pronunciation ko.
kai: basta KYEME!
jon: kyeme is like.. kuya jason's pronunciation of keme..
angge: see kai?!
avery: keme kaya...
avery: sorry uli...
myx: spelling ko din keme
kai: keme.
kai: keme.
kai: keme.
kai: keme.
angge: 4 vs 1 kai!!!
angge: hahahahaha!!
angge: joke
kai: pag-pitik ko ng daliri ko kyeme na ang paniniwalaan niyo..
angge: love u kai
kai: kyeme.
kai: kyeme
kai: kyeme
kai: kyeme
kai: kyeme
kai: kyeme
kai: *snap*
avery: keme...
angge: KEME KEME KEME KEME KEME
kai: tae.
myx: kemeeee
avery: keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme keme
myx: k to the eme.
avery: kemeeeee naman to...

ng kami'y nag-YM nung madaling araw nung april 4

avery: yes?
mingu: bkt d ka pnta kai?
kai: ((same lines))
kai: financial matters.
kai: preparing for mama's project launching.
mingu: kng pautangin ka namin?
avery: please please please...
avery: oonga...
avery: ni mingu.. go mingu!
kai: 450+groceries+pocket money.
kai: (gago eiv.)
mingu: oo nga!! di ka na nga nag OP r
kai: oo nga...:(
mingu: -ehji
mingu: kwentahin mo lahat magkano
avery: nakina mingu si ejhi...
mingu: now na
kai: huh?
avery: 800?
avery: heheh...
kai: ha..
mingu: andito rin c edge
kai: more or less..
kai: hi ehji.
mingu: katabi ko
kai: :)
avery: 650?
avery: 650?
mingu: mgkano kai>
angge: wow
kai: malay..
avery: 550 lang kasya na yun...
kai: guys kakausapin ko pa si mama ulit bukas..
angge: kai i think 700 is enough
avery: pocket money ikaw na bahala... kaya mo na yan!
angge: sobra p nga un e
kai: yah. i have 57 pesos.
avery: oo.. sobra pa ang 700... OA...
kai: haay.
kai: cge kakausapin ko ulit si mama..
avery: oki na yan pang pocket!
avery: ako nga... natirang pera ko... 27php.
avery: kumusta?
angge: kc may food nmn n delata
kai: umm..
kai: may isa pa problem..
angge: ano?
kai: di ako marunong lumngoy.
avery: ano?
mingu: kwentahin mo, we'll do something bout it..
avery: DUH?!
avery: edi turuan ka namin ni marrrrlon...
angge: duh kai!
angge: punta n b c marlon?
avery: ewan... pero dapat siyang pumunta kasi... buddy niya si kuya gretski...
kai: hehe marlon? ewan.
mingu: ipapasan nlang kita, mtankad nman ako -ehji
mingu: tell ur mom na kami gagastos
avery: oonga... go mingu!
angge: nice ehji
avery: :D
angge: oo nga kai pra msaya tau
kai: hahaha!
kai: :((
kai: tangina niyong lahat!!!
mingu: kaya no prob

*ang mayabang na si avery, di pala pinapayagan..*

avery: oonga...
avery: ako pa...
avery: hindi pa ako pinapayagan...
mingu: smahan nyo na ho,
angge: oist c anne ndi p sure kc may outing din xa ng 8
mingu: ko..
avery: hekhekhek...

kai: naiiyak ako!

mingu: -ehji
kai: mga hayop kayo!
kai: teka..
kai: kakausapin ko si mama talga..
mingu: guys tulungan to ha, for kai
kai: PPPOOOOOOOOOOTAH!!!
kai: tama na!!
angge: haha!!
avery: :D
kai: tae pinagtawanan pa ko..
kai: gago.
angge: kapwa ko mahal ko newest edition
kai: GAGO ANGGE!!!

i love these guys so much. too bad na kahit sana susupotahan nila ko for the farewell party, hindi na talaga ako pinayagan at hindi na talaga papayagan... ganoon lang talaga. pero kahit ganoon. i'm thankful na may mga kaibigan akong tulad nila... guys enjoy na lang kayo ha?...

NGARAGity mode over.

waaahh!!! i didn;t fail any subject this sem!! but of course i'm not forgetting the SHITTY flunked ECO. well anyways.. I didn't get the uno i was expecting. at least wala pa rin akong tres. hehehe

i can't say anything at the moment. umm.. late posts na lang ulit:

• 032806
  pag-ibig.
  sawang sawa na siguro ang mga kamay kong magsulat tungkol sa pag-ibig. dahil tulad ng sarili ko, hindi ko tanto ang pag-ibig. sabi nga ni Witgenstein "what we cannot speak about we must pass over in silence" kasi tulad ng sabi nila "little knowledge is a dangerous thing" so we, i, better not talk at all..
  
  pag-ibig.
  pag-libog.
  
  sabi nga kanina ni Dexter Doria there is a thin line between love and lust. at natatakot akong dumating ang panahon na hindi ko na alam ang pinagkaiba ng dalawang nakababaliw na mga mundo.

• magic? -032806--- parang magic daw kaya siya nainlove dun sa lalakeng yun.. magic. i'm sorry, i don't believe in magic anymore... kaya nga siguro our love isn't that sparkly. no rabbits running around, coming out from black hats, no multi colored ropes vanishing to nowhere.. magic. no magic. kasi magic is just an illusion. i would never submit myself to mirrors of illusion. magic wouldn't be the right word to describe the authenticity of love. but waves. my love is like the infinte waves battering to the shore. my love is not constant but it's like the dying waves. nothing's sure but uncertainty. and i am very sure that i will not love you forever.. nor will i not love you tomorrow for it is beyond my knowledge. what matters most is that i love you today. and i a love you very much..
  

inspired by:
---angela manalang gloria's to the man i married
---somebody else's love affair.

• "i'm fire and you're the ocean"- jam 88.3

i'm more like the ocean than your fire.
at times i can burn you with endless passion
at times i can drown you and sweep you away..

i'm more like the ocean than your fire,
my waves are inconsistent.
the noise i hide beneath
the creatures, the monsters
the demons i keep.

i'm more like the ocean
i'm less than a fire
my love for you is turning cold
my intimacy growing old
cool me with your fire
save me from drowning,
drowning in my own ocean of desire.

mad at SEX, not about SEX

I was watching this XXX show (not porn) of ABS-CBN and they featured this child who was molested at the age of 5. Her face had bruises, a stitch in her left eye and still bruises all over her body. She was raped. She resisted, but the boy beat her with a stick, no, a WOOD, hit her on the face and her whole body! Shit!

What is it about sex that a BOY can rape and abuse a 5 year old girl?? A boy barely high school? A 15 year old boy??! You messed your life young man!

Tangina. Galit na galit ako sa batang iyon.

Bakit ba may mga batang rapist na?
Sino ba ang nagpaparami ng lahi nila?
Bakit ba hindi maisuplong?
Bakit ba hindi mapigilan ang pagrami nila?

Kasalanan ba ito ng magulang?
O kasalanan ng isang murang isip
na hindi maturu-turuan?

O kasalanan nanaman ito ng media?
Na patuloy na ginaglamoroso ang SEX.
Na bagay lang ang mga babae.
Laruan lang ang mga babae.

Tangina. Nakagagalit talaga.

((Feminist Mode On))